AMU STUDENT FOUND IN DRUNKEN STUPOR IN APARTMENT!
Ann Arbor, MI. Campus Security found AMU student Christopher "El Drunko" Felix on the floor of his Naples apartment on Monday. When one of the security officers, who asked to remain anonymous, tried to wrest a bottle of beer from the obviously inebriated Felix, the student told him to "find your own stash." Friends of Chris Felix did not answer phone calls.
In an interview with AMU Provost and Theology Professor Fr. Joseph Fessio, Chris was described as "an alcoholic of epic proportions." The amount of alcohol consumed during a single night of binge drinking "blows my mind . . . it's like his liver is made of iron. I can't believe he's still alive," Fr. Fessio added.
Senior Michael Miravalli commented that "Chris is now the poster-child for aspiring binge drinkers everywhere. He's . . . it blows my mind how, like, dedicated this dude is."
Dean of Faculty Michael Dauphinais has agreed to head the character investigation on Mr. Felix. "I really feel that this - you see, this situation is not - it's not a situation - if this situation - there is a situation here, that simply - toleration is not acceptable in a situation like the one we have our hands on at the moment," he stated.
As of Monday, Felix was still not answering calls.
Ann Arbor, MI. Campus Security found AMU student Christopher "El Drunko" Felix on the floor of his Naples apartment on Monday. When one of the security officers, who asked to remain anonymous, tried to wrest a bottle of beer from the obviously inebriated Felix, the student told him to "find your own stash." Friends of Chris Felix did not answer phone calls.In an interview with AMU Provost and Theology Professor Fr. Joseph Fessio, Chris was described as "an alcoholic of epic proportions." The amount of alcohol consumed during a single night of binge drinking "blows my mind . . . it's like his liver is made of iron. I can't believe he's still alive," Fr. Fessio added.
Senior Michael Miravalli commented that "Chris is now the poster-child for aspiring binge drinkers everywhere. He's . . . it blows my mind how, like, dedicated this dude is."
Dean of Faculty Michael Dauphinais has agreed to head the character investigation on Mr. Felix. "I really feel that this - you see, this situation is not - it's not a situation - if this situation - there is a situation here, that simply - toleration is not acceptable in a situation like the one we have our hands on at the moment," he stated.
As of Monday, Felix was still not answering calls.
posted by Dave-O at
3:32 PM
4 Comments:
That's one hell of a funny post, dude.
That was an awesome night. I don't remember much, but of what I do remember no one got close to those bottles. AMU has nothing "hickup" on me!!!!
If the Diocese of L.A. got that picture you would be ordained in no time at all... it could only get better if we photoshopped some well known sodomite naked next to you.... lets say David J. wait that is too specific lets try D. Jaquith. Thats better.
The Dr. D. impression is priceless...
I think they have ordained people like Dr. D, which I agree is priceless, but I am sure they would still refuse me on account that I was in a drunken state when the "incident" occured and not fully aware of my actions. Then again it is L.A.
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