Snakes in a Church: the sequel?
They first gave us "Snakes on a Plane," now what we all have been waiting for, "Snakes in a Church" based on actual, real, not fake, but historical events! [The captions I added and are how the fim will be casted and shot at certain locations]:
"A woman [Played by a Hilary Clinton-look-alike or a Jenifer Granholm] who was bitten by a snake [played by the Godfrey, the snake in Anaconda] at a church [The Celebrity Scientologist Center] that neighbors [Slyvester Stalone and his gay-partner Danny DeVito] say practices serpent handling died of her wounds [many snake bites to the face and genitalia] hours later, a newspaper [the American Papist Blog Site] reported.
...
Long [Granholm or Clinton] died at University of Kentucky Medical Center [The AMU Campus, and there will also be alot of snakes here as well, demons, crocodiles, dinosaurs, and telitubbies] about four hours after being bitten [and exploded], authorities [guys with British accents, it will sound more believable] told the newspaper.
"She said she was bitten by a snake at her church," said Lt. Ed Sizemore [maybe Mel Gibson?] of the Laurel County Sheriff's Office [A Mayan Ziggurat].
Handling reptiles as part of religious services [Voodoo Magic] is illegal in Kentucky [Communist Russia or Nazis Germany]. Snake handling is a misdemeanor [that is a method of bringing back ancient undead mummies] and punishable by a $50 to $100 fine [Death by Buru].
Police said they had not received any reports of snake handling at the church [because the snakes killed everyone, except the hero, Charlemagne, played by Pope Benedict XVI, who after his victory is assumed into Heaven on a Fiery Steam Boat].
Snake handling [the ancient ritual named above] is based on a passage in the Bible [the Necromanical Book of Ultimate Evil, or the AMU Mission Statement] that says a sign of a true believer [Muslim Terrorist] is the power to "take up serpents" without being harmed [anything really, really, gross].
Church officials [Thom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and John Travolta] could not be reached for comment [They later die in horrible ways, but only after Stalone and his partner are killed by the ancient mummified snake brought back from the dead]."
"I will have a cameo shot as Jesus or St. Peter welcoming Charlemagne [P. Benedict] into Heaven [An Old Irish Pub]."
So that is the movie...
I want to see it already!
~awesome sean
A.S. On a serious note it is too bad that she died... apparently she was not a true believer. The important thing is that now we know!
"A woman [Played by a Hilary Clinton-look-alike or a Jenifer Granholm] who was bitten by a snake [played by the Godfrey, the snake in Anaconda] at a church [The Celebrity Scientologist Center] that neighbors [Slyvester Stalone and his gay-partner Danny DeVito] say practices serpent handling died of her wounds [many snake bites to the face and genitalia] hours later, a newspaper [the American Papist Blog Site] reported.
...
Long [Granholm or Clinton] died at University of Kentucky Medical Center [The AMU Campus, and there will also be alot of snakes here as well, demons, crocodiles, dinosaurs, and telitubbies] about four hours after being bitten [and exploded], authorities [guys with British accents, it will sound more believable] told the newspaper.
"She said she was bitten by a snake at her church," said Lt. Ed Sizemore [maybe Mel Gibson?] of the Laurel County Sheriff's Office [A Mayan Ziggurat].
Handling reptiles as part of religious services [Voodoo Magic] is illegal in Kentucky [Communist Russia or Nazis Germany]. Snake handling is a misdemeanor [that is a method of bringing back ancient undead mummies] and punishable by a $50 to $100 fine [Death by Buru].
Police said they had not received any reports of snake handling at the church [because the snakes killed everyone, except the hero, Charlemagne, played by Pope Benedict XVI, who after his victory is assumed into Heaven on a Fiery Steam Boat].
Snake handling [the ancient ritual named above] is based on a passage in the Bible [the Necromanical Book of Ultimate Evil, or the AMU Mission Statement] that says a sign of a true believer [Muslim Terrorist] is the power to "take up serpents" without being harmed [anything really, really, gross].
Church officials [Thom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and John Travolta] could not be reached for comment [They later die in horrible ways, but only after Stalone and his partner are killed by the ancient mummified snake brought back from the dead]."
"I will have a cameo shot as Jesus or St. Peter welcoming Charlemagne [P. Benedict] into Heaven [An Old Irish Pub]."
So that is the movie...
I want to see it already!
~awesome sean
A.S. On a serious note it is too bad that she died... apparently she was not a true believer. The important thing is that now we know!
posted by Awesome Sean at
1:24 PM
4 Comments:
I'd buy a whole section of seats at the nearest theater and bring a huge inflatable raft to cover them all. Then I'd fill the raft with warm chocolate ice cream, top it with whipped cream and hop in after covering myself with caramel and minigram bears.
... I'm sorry. What were we talking about?
Just a little bit upset about last night's results I guess, eh Sean?
An election unmarked by awesomeness.
Nah...they the Democrats will now just have a greater opportunity to make awesome asses out of themselves.
Nyeheheheh . . . "asses." Sean, what are you ON, dude?
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