Revealed:
Now that the election is behind us, and the Democrats control both houses of Congress, there's no reason not to admit it: the Right was right about us all along. Here is our 25-point manifesto for the new Congress:
1. Mandatory homosexuality
2. Drug-filled condoms in schools
3. Introduce the new Destruction of Marriage Act
4. Border fence replaced with free shuttle buses
5. Osama Bin Laden to be Secretary of State
6. Withdraw from Iraq, apologize, reinstate Hussein
7. English language banned from all Federal buildings
8. Math classes replaced by encounter groups [I am okay with this one!]
9. All taxes to be tripled
10. All fortunes over $250,000 to be confiscated
11. On-demand welfare
12. Tofurkey to be named official Thanksgiving dish
13. Freeways to be removed, replaced with light rail systems [not bad either... buy me a car!]
14. Pledge of Allegiance in schools replaced with morning flag-burning
15. Stem cells allowed to be harvested from any child under the age of 8
16. Comatose people to be ground up and fed to poor
17. Quarterly mandatory abortion lottery
18. God to be mocked roundly
19. Dissolve Executive Branch: reassign responsibilities to UN
20. Jane Fonda to be appointed Secretary of Appeasement
21. Outlaw all firearms: previous owners assigned to anger management therapy
22. Texas returned to Mexico
23. Ban Christmas: replace with Celebrate our Monkey Ancestors Day
24. Carter added to Mount Rushmore
25. Modify USA's motto to "Land of the French and the home of the brave"
~awesome sean
posted by Awesome Sean at
10:42 PM
3 Comments:
26. Tuesdays are now "buru a random stranger" day.
27. All guns are confiscated and melted into children's playground equipment (think simpsons).
28. bill clinton begins a cult requiring the sacrificing of 20 monica lewinski look-a-likes each day.
29. The Democrats create a limition edition "house page pin-up" calendar for every Republican in Washington.
30. Nancy Pelosi removes her mask, revealing her to be the bastard spawn of Satan by Hillary Clinton (conceived aeons ago in the depths of deepest hell).
31. Transspecies Marriage Act
32. Currency Ammended: "x Dollars" Changed to "I owe Uncle Sam x Dollars"
33. American Flag "Stars and Stripes" replaced with Sicle and Hammer.
34. National Anthem "The Star-Spangled Banner" replaced with "Let There Be Peace On Earth"
35. Standard Issue Bubble Guns for USMC.
36. Monthly "Diversity Day"s
37. Pink declared the national colour
38. Ritual sacrifices to the fierce deity Tolerance.
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