WANTED

WANTED

NAPLES, FL. (AP) - Authorities say a man of giant proportions driving a float in the Ave Maria University Christmas parade has been charged with drunk driving after he passed another float then sped down Main Street, severely injuring several Physics and Math Majors.

When officers caught up to 10 foot Christopher Felix, (who had too much free time since he finished his finals so early), he had an open container of alcohol in the truck.

Witnesses say Felix was driving in line in Sunday's parade when he pulled out to pass a tractor in the float.

Police say Felix sped down Main Street and ran a red light, while a witness on the float called 911 on a cell phone.

Felix, who was driving many children and nuns on the float, faces more than three dozen charges, including DUI, kidnapping and assaulting an officer. He would have had a bond hearing on the kidnapping charge later this week, but he used his gargantuan feet and stomped on an officer's nose and escaped. He is considered boozed-up and extremely tanked. So not approach without a six-pack.

~awesome reporter

A.S. THIS IS POST #100!!!