Recent research convinces area blogger about evils of scientific establishment

Recent research from Durham University that warmer climates are causing seals to mate more often was met with distress and even anger by area blogger Thomas Anderson.

"That's just sick and disgusting - who pays for this kind of stuff? I want to know. You're telling me that someone actually signed-off on this dude flying to some remote Scottish Island so he could spy on a bunch of seals getting busy?"

Dr. Sean Twiss's research, published recently in the Royal Society's Biology Letters journal, found that "Due to climate change female grey seals are being forced to travel further for drinking water - removing them from the watchful eye of the dominant males and allowing the subordinate males to take advantage."

Area blogger Thomas Anderson was quick to respond. "Who cares? It's shocking to realize that modern scientific journals are nothing more than the animal-equivalent of Esquire magazine!"

When shown the picture that prefixes this article of a male seal taking advantage of this climactic shift, Mr. Anderson's response was instant. "EEEWWWWW! My tax dollars are going to purchase high-end cameras so we can take ultra-resolution pictures of a couple baked Seals in their disgustingly-human post-coitus languor?"

Further details of the study, including the fact that "During the nine-year study, Dr Twiss and his colleagues recorded a 61 per cent increase in the number of males contributing to the genetic pool," only further aggravated Mr. Anderson.

"Nine ... years? This guy's been stalking those seals for nine years, and Science is footing that bill? How could they have such accurate percentage measurements if they weren't present for every last conjugal visit between overheating seals during those entire nine years? Unbelievable. Mozart wrote Sonatas in an afternoon. He didn't spend his time following his cat around the house to see if it would score."

A male seal who participated in the study (and requested to remain annonymous), when asked to respond to Mr. Anderson's comments, replied: "Well, sure at first it was a bit akward having those researchers around, but in the end I was just so hot and there were so many unprotected seals around that I couldn't help myself." Queried whether the researches interfered at all with their normal behavior, the male seal responded: "No, I'd say it helped that those gentlemen from Durham University were giving out alcohol to all of us."